Shmuel is Hebrew for Samuel

Above: Shmuel with ministry friends

My mother’s name is Hannah—like Hannah, the mother of the prophet Samuel in the Bible. When my parents were expecting their first arrival, my mother hoped to one day have a boy. For her first, she received a girl. Then another girl. And for her third child—yet another girl.

In the Biblical storyline, Hannah, who longed for a son, prayed to the Lord saying, “If you will give me a son, I will consecrate him to You.” So, after her third daughter was born, my mother prayed that same prayer. That’s when I was born.

My parents raised me with that prayer in mind—that I was consecrated to God. From a young age, I was taught that the most important thing for me was to know how to recognize the voice of the Lord. My earliest memories were of my mother telling me to seek God and ask for His guidance.

I grew up surrounded by prayer, intercession and devotion to God. Then my parents discovered they were Jewish and responded by immersing themselves in an ultra-conservative Jewish lifestyle which included moving our family to Israel. Amazingly, once we arrived and settled in Israel, we met many Israeli Messianic Jews and my parents realized they didn’t need to take on all the rabbinical traditions. They could live as devoted Jews who love Yeshua and live normal lives as Israelis.

In my teen years, I began to experience an identity crisis. I remember thinking, “I’m involved in ministry, but I don’t really understand who I am as a person before the Lord.” I began to feel resentful that I had to bear this weight of “being consecrated.” I didn’t know what it meant or what to do with it.

One evening when I was about 16, I remember leading a worship evening at a local house of prayer in Jerusalem and walking out, frustrated at God. I challenged God that if He didn’t show Himself to me right then and there I was done following Him! He was clearly unimpressed with my demands as nothing happened. And so, I decided at that point that I was done with my childhood beliefs.

I spent the next three years rebelling against my family, my “calling from God,” and anything that I knew deep down was truth. I went as far as I could into the world so no one would even bother to come looking for me. I couldn’t deny God existed but it was very much, “I do me, You do You; we talk sometimes but I’m not going to follow You.”

Then the army draft arrived. I was accepted into a special forces unit and this meant real-life risk. This sobered me and I began thinking about what it was I believed.

I knew the army was notorious for being difficult for believers. It’s a bunch of 18-20 year old guys and girls away from their parents for the first time in intense training environments. But for whatever reason, for me the army had the opposite effect. It drove me to seriously reconsider the Lord. I discovered two other believers in my unit—something incredibly rare—and it reignited my belief that God was an inseparable part of both my identity and my destiny.

Ten months into my service, we were in the desert on a special training mission. I woke up and strongly felt the presence of the Lord. I began to pace and pray in our tent. In the midst of my prayers I suddenly cried out to Him, “I allow You to tear down everything that I have built by my own power. Do whatever You want with my mind, my health, my soul—everything.”

As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I suddenly felt afraid! What had I just said? I had just given up control. So I added, “On one condition, Lord, as long as You raise me up and make me into a new person.”

Sniper Dreams

Of all the roles we were offered during our training, the one I desired most was to become a sniper. The same week I prayed that prayer of surrender, I received news that I would be interviewed for the position. Remarkably, the interviewer was a believer, and a Messianic friend of mine was also invited to be interviewed. It truly felt like God was orchestrating these events for me. 

Still, I wasn’t getting a clear ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when I prayed about it, so when I got on the bus to go to the interview, I sent up one last prayer, “God, if this isn’t You, You’ll have to intervene right now because I’m going for this.” I climbed onto the bus and sat down—and suddenly felt ill. My throat started hurting and I felt feverish. Instead of feeling upset, I suddenly remembered my prayer the week before. I felt strangely overjoyed sensing that God was answering my plea to wreck me and make me new.

I went back to my base and laid in bed. For four days they wouldn’t believe that I was really sick and refused to give me any care. By the fourth day I could only crawl, and finally they believed that I was sick and took me to the hospital. 

The doctors gave me some tests and returned to me with the news, “We don’t know what you have, Shmuel, but you’re getting worse.”

At Death’s Door

There’s a room in the hospital where they put people who are waiting to die. I was in that room for three days with six other people. I laid there attached to a breathing machine so I could only listen to my surroundings. During those three days I heard an elderly Muslim woman die. I also heard her family’s prayers. They were so heavy and dark.

The entire time, my mother never left my side. I struggled to breathe and could barely talk because my lungs had filled with fluid. But while I felt miserable on the outside, my spirit felt alive and full of peace. I was in a constant state of worship and awe of God. I felt like I knew what it was to walk with the Lord in the Garden of Eden.

New Life

After three days in that room, the doctor came in and announced, “We know what you have! It’s called Lemierre’s syndrome. It’s a bacteria that accumulates in the jugular vein and from there spreads and eats organs like the heart, lungs and brain. In your case, it is eating holes through your lungs, which explains the fluid in the lungs, but we have developed an antibiotic for you.”

Statistically, they explained that the chances of a male my age catching this bacteria was literally one in a million. Only later did they also add that 90% percent of those infected with the bacteria die.

In the just over two weeks at the hospital I lost 12 kilos (25 pounds). Still, the doctors were amazed by my recovery as they had expected it to take several months. But within two weeks, the day before Thanksgiving, they sent me home with antibiotics I would continue to inject in my veins. I joined my family for a Thanksgiving meal and you can imagine the rejoicing at that table!

I spent the next two months learning how to walk again. The entire time I remained in this incredible spiritual bliss. Then one day, towards the end of my rehabilitation, I woke up feeling like I’d crashed a fast speed train. Everything seemed heavy and wrong, I felt confused, angry and ashamed. I was emotionally crushed and physically overwhelmed.

My spirit reached out for that sense of God’s presence I had gotten so used to. I felt nothing.

I prayed for a good bit before I finally heard in my heart, “Welcome back to life on earth Shmuel. Will you still worship me now when you don’t feel Me close?”

I felt terrible on every level. But really, I think it was just the contrast of feeling the beauty of the nearness of God in a time of trouble and then suddenly feeling ‘regular’ again. Feeling normal simply feels terrible when you’ve been enjoying the beauty of God’s presence during difficulty.

“I will always worship You,” I responded.

The sickness lowered my military profile significantly.After I recovered I could no longer return to my combat unit and was subsequently released from army duty.

With the next stage of life in front of me, I wanted to begin by learning more about the Lord, His Word, and how to best engage with His plan for me. I went through a discipleship program outside the country and took a few online courses. The program was great, but I found myself disappointed. I wanted something in Israel. I wanted to go through a school program with other Israelis, to build relationships and understand the Word of God in the context of our lives in Israel.

Also, I was looking for a school that would teach both solid theology and a Spirit-led life. I firmly believed that the gifts of the Spirit are for today. I knew the Bible teaches that our testimony should be followed with signs following.

That’s when I heard about a brand new Bible school with Spirit-filled teachers called the Jerusalem Bible Institute (JBI) that was opening its doors in November 2024. My heart leaped—finally!

I didn’t know who would be joining the first semester, but to my delight, several amazing musicians enrolled. By opening day, we had a fully functioning worship team! And I love how the curriculum begins from the most fundamental foundation and builds from there. We’ve only just begun, and I’m already in awe of the depth of teaching. I realized even though I grew up in a godly home, there were some holes in my understanding I hadn’t considered.

We have full-time teachers as well as local pastors who come to share from their decades of practical ministry experience. They give us wisdom as well as a space where we collectively listen to learn what the Holy Spirit is saying to us. I’m sure as the word gets out to more congregations, many more will want to join. Experiencing this together has built such a bond already that I can’t wait to see where this journey takes us. I’m excited about how experience of the knowledge of the power of the Holy Spirit will begin to change the face of the Messianic community.